saturday, may 6

•••    but what I really want to know is: what on earth are twizzelators, and why do they have them in canada and not here?
10:48 PM +

•••    I tried to keep an open mind, but chocolate twizzlers are disgusting. I expect more from hershey!
10:42 PM +

•••    is it me, or are my posts getting more and more random?
9:45 PM +

•••    I couldn't figure out why it hurt so much to walk, until I realized I haven't taken any of my medicine today.
brain cells left? I think we're talking single digits.
9:40 PM +

•••    there was tangerine sorbet for dessert tonight. that's pretty special. :) tangerine is good stuff.
7:21 PM +

•••    I am having a lot of trouble getting motivated to do more schoolwork. I have the (obviously false) impression that just because I'm doing fine in all the rest of my classes now, I will continue to be fine even if I don't work hard for the next week.
seven essays, three finals, and a paper. by friday. I hope I find my common sense soon. :)
5:05 PM +

•••    p.d.q. bach rocks. (peter schickele is here today, along with the rest of the swat alumni.)
3:37 PM +

•••    hb, alison! woo!
1:14 PM +

•••    I hate math, but at least it's over.
let us never speak of linear algebra again.
:)
12:51 PM +

•••    well. here I go.
if I fail, it won't be because I didn't try. it will be because I'm bad at linear algebra. :P
think good thoughts . . .
8:38 AM +

•••    seven and a half hours until the beginning of the end. judgment hour. whatever. I'm going to bed. if I'm lucky I won't have math nightmares.
1:31 AM +

friday, may 5

•••    he lives in the dorm next to mine, but I met him for the first time on the web. weird. maybe evidence that I spend too much time with my computer?
11:36 PM +

•••    strange but true: tonight one of my hallmates knocked on my door and came in to give me a can of sunny delight. less than three minutes later, another hallmate knocked on my door and gave me a cup full of sunflower seeds (she said they were study aids). I could make some dumb comment about my sunny personality . . . but I won't. :)
9:47 PM +

•••    I also like fiona's loony uncle. his smoking tirade cracked me up - I always thought that if I were marketing cigarettes, I would put the surgeon general's warning about how smoking could hurt an unborn fetus on as many boxes as possible, because there must be people who would see it and convince themselves that smoking wasn't so dangerous as long as they weren't pregnant.

(I feel compelled to add that I absolutely hate it when people smoke around me, mostly because it honestly makes it impossible for me to breathe. I seem to be getting more allergic to smoke as I get older, which is stupid because more and more of my peers are smoking. I didn't have this problem in kindergarten. but I will also never tell anyone how unhealthy smoking is, because I know it's obnoxious. you take care of your health. I'll take care of mine, by making a quiet exit.)
8:38 PM +

•••    ooh, look. one of my favorite sites of old, palesky, has just been bloggerized. and wow, is it gorgeous. yum.
5:13 PM +

•••    I hate math, but I really really like fiona. and what do you know - she likes me too. :)
there's always something to smile about. can't forget that.
3:46 PM +

•••    I read lots of books on gender and education when I was in high school, and I was always just a little proud of myself for being one of the exceptions to the trend (or perhaps the stereotype) - a girl who liked math and natural science. even when math confused me, I thought it was cool because I eventually figured it out. I hated it when people expected me to not like math (or worse, be incapable of doing it) because I was a girl. I especially hated that stupid song in "babes in toyland" that mary sings about how she can't do math and she wishes tom-tom were there to do it for her. (I still hate it, actually.) I was sure I would never be one of those girls who didn't like math just because they thought they couldn't do it.

not anymore. I think I understand what's going on, but my numbers never match the book's. it takes me an hour to do one problem. I can't even factor a stupid cubic equation anymore, because my brain is so fried.

I made it all the way through multivariable calculus still thinking math was pretty cool. I think I've earned the right to say I HATE MATH without feeling guilty about it.
3:36 PM +

•••    it's a good thing I'm a rugger, not a pro football player. otherwise I might have to worry about this concussion thing. ;P
12:33 PM +

•••    24 pages to go - before I can start reviewing, that is. ;)
11:53 AM +

•••    I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I really like this picture.
9:39 AM +

•••    adam made my day a lot brighter this morning.
9:21 AM +

•••    well. nine whole hours of planetary alignment and no catastrophes to speak of. some people must be disappointed. (I am, too; I was hoping for some localized disaster that would somehow destroy my math final.)
8:48 AM +

•••    I'm sad that the fibonacci entry didn't get top-ten recognition, but these blocks are pretty cool.
12:02 AM +

thursday, may 4

•••    back to math. mathmathmathmathmath!
11:54 PM +

•••    after a day full of linear algebra (and feeling stupid because of it), studying music feels like an absolute picnic. I even have a mug of cranberry tea. bartok and bigelow, conspiring to make me happy. :)
10:44 PM +

•••    hotgazpacho has a fun flash intro. plus I like saying "hotgazpacho." hotGAZpacho! hotgazPACHo! hehe. :)
8:32 PM +

•••    strawberries for dinner! mm.
6:04 PM +

•••    ways to relieve stress (and procrastinate!) during finals week:
- find something else to do besides study.
- get new-agey with aromatherapy.
- or you could get a group of friends together to socialize and psychoanalyze.
- surf the web! like me! haha.
2:53 PM +

•••    I wish I could do something fun during my math final, but I'm not quite at the point where I think I will fail no matter what. I really like number 24 though.
2:22 PM +

•••    it is so, so, so beautiful outside.
blue sky, sunny, glowing green leaves, eighty degrees, blooming sweet-smelling flowers.
I have 73 pages of math left to do before 9 am on saturday.
::whimper::
(you think you'll be glad when I'm finished with math? think how happy I'll be. :)
12:50 PM +

•••    I find it amusing that I got a copy of the new "i love you" email virus a full 24 hours before any warnings or news articles appeared on the web. I'm so special (and yes, my computer is fine).
12:36 PM +

•••    proving once again that it was worth all that time, money, and energy, hubble finds a bunch of missing hydrogen. it's been a very good week for cosmology.
9:51 AM +

•••    I think there is something wrong with the world when I get up before eight o'clock every day of the week when I don't have classes.
8:22 AM +

•••    PRIMAL SCREAM!
I feel much better now. :)
(my roommate said she could hear me - I was outside with a bunch of people, and she was inside with her computer. ha.)
12:18 AM +

wednesday, may 3

•••    I accidentally dripped blood on my math book tonight. I think that must be symbolic somehow.
8:55 PM +

•••    intentional controversy is neale's specialty. (is it me or does it seem like mark and neale have been doing this already?)
7:52 PM +

•••    every time I see pictures like these, I'm shocked and saddened. yet I still manage to forget about them within a few days. there are too many things to care about.
5:47 PM +

•••    big thanks to everyone who's sent me movie titles! my favorites so far: dazed and confused (from jonathan) and the world is not enough (from rick).

I also think twelve monkeys would be funny, but only if we had ten freshmen in our group. ;)
4:26 PM +

•••    okay, I need help. I'm a campus advisor for next fall's freshman orientation. for some reason, which I have not yet discerned, the theme for orientation is movies. I have to come up with a movie title that will be the name for my CA group. however, I am really not familiar with most mainstream movies, and I don't think my frosh will appreciate being part of a group named after some obscure sci-fi flick. my CA partner keeps suggesting things like better off dead, mission: impossible, scream, and entrapment. so, I need ideas. imdb isn't helping. can you?
12:52 PM +

•••    surreal moment of the day: discovering that a street I used to walk down is now something I can read on the web. (via tracy.)
11:52 AM +

•••    MY BRAIN HURTS.
(this nothing of importance communique brought to you courtesy of linear algebra.)
11:44 AM +

•••    robotic heart surgery! the future of nanotechnology is nigh. soon we will all be full of robots. hehehe. :) (am I the only person looking forward to this?)
9:11 AM +

tuesday, may 2

•••    ooh . . . look what I found in my referrer log! neat person, pretty colors. mm.
10:36 PM +

•••    I have a green grass-stained knee, a funny mark on the side of my face where I got hit with a flying frisbee, and a somewhat improved forehand. yay, physics picnic. :)
7:18 PM +

•••    yet another reason to love google. even if they won't give up that directory nonsense.
6:31 PM +

•••    life on earth is cooler than you think. (and also hot, in this case.) I find the subtitle on this news release a little silly, though. how would we identify life on other planets if we didn't know a whole lot about life on earth to begin with?
2:16 PM +

•••    I think gizmo's blog looks like it is going to be a fun read. :) I really like that fish in the corner!
11:56 AM +

•••    it's cloudy today. this morning when I turned on my computer, the sun suddenly came out from behind the clouds, as if pressing the power button had made my whole room light up. it was a little surreal . . . but in a good way. :)
9:44 AM +

•••    I think I have vodka in my hair. . .
2:57 AM +

monday, may 1

•••    tonight is the rugby banquet - we all get dressed up, some of us get drunk, and then we eat and dance and cry beacause all our seniors are leaving and we'll never play together again . . .
so I am going to do those girly things like take a long shower, contemplate what to do with my hair, and take twice as long as usual to get dressed.
I'm going to wear something purple and sparkly. and strapless. (this is not at all normal for me.) whee. :)
7:21 PM +

•••    I think fox has finally taken it too far with its newest game show special, battle of the child geniuses. it's one thing to let adults engage in stupid competitions, but it's something else entirely to make kids "battle" for the "smartest kid in america" title. for one thing, with fifty contestants, forty nine of them are going to leave feeling like failures, as if they have been forever branded "NOT the smartest kid in america." and how many of those kids decided of their own accord that they wanted to take part in a big flashy competition on national television? I think the commercial I saw last night said they were all around eight years old.

I participated in my share of contests when I was in grade school, and I'm not saying I think they're all inherently evil. but the pressure can be a bit much, even on a small level. when I was eight, I won the citywide math contest. I was the new kid that no one knew, and I was completely surprised when I won. it was fun. when I was nine, I qualified again but I ended up in tears during the contest, convinced that I was doing terribly. I won it again, but instead of being happy about it, I was just relieved. when I was ten, I took the preliminary test but intentionally did badly so I wouldn't have to deal with the pressure of the contest and the possibility of not living up to everyone's expectations.

granted, I'm a perfectionist, or at least I used to be. (I think I still am, just with a much broader focus.) I worried that I wasn't as smart as everyone thought I was, or that I would do something to make them think I wasn't as smart as I actually was. I have since learned that even though there's really nothing I do better than everyone else, I'm smart enough that I can do anything I decide is important enough to be done right. (does that sound cliched? too bad. :) I didn't know that when I was eight. I probably didn't know it even when I was twelve. if I had been on national tv in a show billed as the battle of the child geniuses, and I had lost (which I would have), I would have been absolutely humiliated.

so, for their sake, I hope all of those kids have stronger psyches than I did. I hope they're doing it because they want to, not because their parents thought it would be cool to have their kids labeled child geniuses by some television marketing execs. I hope they have fun. I hope the kid who wins has a sense of perspective and doesn't end up with an insufferably large ego. but mostly I hope fox and its viewers realize how unfair this is to all those children.

(agree with me? even a little? don't watch!)
3:32 PM +

•••    I'm now officially enrolled and approved for five and a half credits next semester (normal courses are one credit each). proof positive that I have completely lost my mind.
2:26 PM +

•••    we listened to messiaen playing his own organ music today, which as my professor says, is "so slow you can drive a truck between the beats." it is not conducive to staying awake. . . but I managed. :)
11:31 AM +

•••    today I have last ever class that I will take as a college freshman.
today is also the first day of reading period.
I can feel panic mode sneaking up on me . . .
8:50 AM +

sunday, april 30

•••    when I ran the amazing poem generator (which I originally found through firda) on one of the pages from my personal site, I got the lines:
all gods eat pizza
I will never hurt another person
except for soy things
:)
7:51 PM +

•••    math. math. math.
headache.
6:59 PM +

•••    I have always wanted to make cotton candy, and today I finally got to do it. I don't even especially like it, but I had so much fun twirling the stick around and catching runaway sugar threads that I ate it anyway. :)

I also made sno-cones and did somersaults down a hill. so much for work!
3:17 PM +

•••    I'm taking my math homework outside. I don't think the beautiful weather could possibly be more distracting than the internet, anyway.
12:50 PM +

•••    I had some very screwed up dreams this morning. actually I think it was just one dream that went on for a really long time. it's weird how you can have dreams that seem like they should be really traumatic that don't really bother you, and then you have dreams that are really pretty silly and random once you think about them, but they mess with your head anyway. this one had politics, school, rope climbing, children I don't know, laundry hampers full of secret notes, automated postcard machines that charged you eighty five cents to dictate a postcard, big beluga whale sculptures, trains, museums and gift shops attached to a house, computers, hills, gravity going the wrong way . . .
who wants to help me analyze it?
11:06 AM +